It was a lonely night, which wasn’t uncommon for me. It has almost became routine for me to not talk to anyone for weeks, sometimes not even a smile will pass me by. It’s hard for people to understand strange, weird, or even different. People don’t like change, they don’t like to see other people that are strange to them. Humans enjoy being around other similar, like-minded people.
Sadly, I was that strange, weird, and different person that nobody wanted to be associated with. I talked different, I walked different, and I even looked different. I wanted to have friends, but they certainly did not want me. The last time I had a conversation with another human was when I bought a meal from the local food supply, the lady told me that she was once like me but had changed herself to fit in to society because the loneliness became unbearable. We did not converse much after she said this.
I started to think about this day more and more, as the days grew longer and longer. I began to see myself fading into nothing, my life has become without purpose, and I had no one to talk to about what was going on. All I ever wanted was just one friend, that wouldn’t care how I talked, walked, or looked. But that friend never came, and the torture of the waking up was beginning to be too much for me to handle on my own.
I often dreamt of being “ normal “ or just fitting in, I had made it so important to me to be normal, that one day I decided to visit that lady at the store one more time. We talked for several hours about our lives, and she told me where I could go to become normal, a place called Fabricated Life. Before I left she also warned me, she said that I may regret my decision. At this point there was no holding me back, I must know what it feels like to fit in, be normal!
The next day when I awoke I began the 6 mile walk to Fabricated Life. The walk was very lonely and for some reason I almost decided not to go. When I got there they told me that this process would take one hour and afterwards I would be completely normal, but this change was not reversible. I quickly signed the wavers and hopped into their machine that reminded me of an old shower stall.
All I remember after this is walking out of the place, I didn’t feel much different, but for the first time in my life, somebody smiled at me as I walking home. For the first time I didn’t feel completely alone. I went home and looked in the mirror to see that I looked like a completely different person, a “normal” person. I began doing “normal” things, actually talking to people and attending events, which don’t get me wrong took a long time to get use too. But one night after having dinner with a beautiful Norwegian lady named Aviana. I realized that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I wasn’t myself, I had become what society wanted me to be. The people that I was talking to, the people that I liked and liked me. Weren’t actually talking to me, they were talking to a fake portrait of who I wished I was. They did not accept me for me, they accepted the fake image I had created of myself. I no longer wanted to fit in, I no longer wanted to be normal, I just wanted to be me. And Whoever loves me for me, that’s who I will be with, that’s who I will surround myself with. And that’s some real shit homie.
I woke up, looked in the mirror and was reminded again of the mistake I had made the day before. But the past doesn’t define me, and it’s time I do something for myself for once. So I got up, I punched that fucking mirror and said, I am who I am and nothing is ever going to change that. My looks don’t define me, how I talk, how I walk, it’s apart of me, but it is not who I am. I got dressed and ready for day and went on a walk along the beach near my house. As the waves moved slowly on and off the shore something caught my eye out in the deep abyss of the dark blue ocean. It was a sparkling light, slowly struggling to move across the waves, almost as if it was lost. Suddenly it became clear to me, we are a little light, trying to find our way through life, getting knocked down by the waves and struggles of life. But if we came together, and worked together, we could all be one big light moving through our lives, helping each other find our own path, and if we do this, we might just end up alright.
Talking about food like this might seem weird to you, but food is life yo, and it really has a lot to do with your life, and growing up as a child. Everyone has their own favorite foods, and some even share favorites but everyone will always their own signature taste.
